I title this blog post as Turning a Corner. That's how I feel. But the crazy thing is 1 year ago I didn't know I needed to turn a corner. Like I said in my previous post, sometimes you just wake up one day and realize you are very unhappy. And that is what happened to me. I was increasingly having a hard time getting out of bed. Each day seemed to get harder and harder to face the day. I had this sinking feeling that life would be better if only. . .
If only my boys were grown and out of the house, if only my husband and I could get away for a few weeks, if only I had time to myself for more than moments each day. I began to look forward to retirement when I didn't have to home school, cook unless I wanted, could spend hours reading or watch TV for an extended time every night. Why did I feel this way? Why did all that sound so good? My last two boys are 3 years apart and are both hitting puberty. They don't get along very well and are constantly bickering and needing my attention so they don't kill each other. The younger one is still very emotional and loud. Did I say loud? The older son would love nothing more than to have his younger brother in trouble at all times so he is a constant tattler. And I would love them to be best friends! I don't remember my older children behaving this way. There are a million reasons this could be the case but that's not what I want to talk about.
I considered putting them in public school, I considered uprooting everyone and moving to find a better life and I considered getting rid of all devices and even throwing away the TV! ( we are constantly setting new boundaries with media)
So all that to say, I was worn out. I began to long for a change. I had to find a way to enjoy my boys, to fall in love with motherhood again, to rediscover my passion for learning/teaching. God began to help me remember what I used to be like.
As the end of summer approached, I began to think about making yet another change in the curriculum I was using to teach the boys. It couldn't stay the same because it wasn't working. My whole life was not working. That's when a friend mentioned her local home school co-op to me. For 20 years I had not wanted to participate in a co-op. Too much work because you have to volunteer and too many uncertain influences for the boys. As I inquired of her what it was like I began to get excited. It was only 1 day a week, the boys and I could meet new friends, my boys could be accountable to someone else as their teacher! I could narrow down the subjects I had to personally teach. All of it sounded so good!
This started a shift for me. I had a new reason to get up in the morning. There is so much more to the story now that we are 6 months into it. I'll have to write more another time to finish my story.
I wanted to post this picture of my new corner in my entry. I sit here as I write staring at my plant corner where new life and old life is coexisting together drinking in the light. This decorated corner represents a part of me. I love plants. Some of these I've had for many years and others are brand new. Some are even starters from old ones. It's kind of how we all work as we evolve, learn new things about ourselves and revamp old ideas we've always held onto. I guess that's what I mean by the word evolve. I don't really like that word but how do you describe someone who is always learning, improving, maturing? You take the original and because of new experiences, you grow a new arm. Maybe that new arm is a new concept that feeds into the old but it's new in its own way. I'm still processing all this stuff as you can probably tell. Maybe not much makes sense to you but it does to me.
Maybe co-ops weren't right for me way back when I started home schooling. Maybe the reservations I had were warranted and served us well at the time. But now in this new season, the idea of co-op doesn't evoke those same concerns. The concept of a home schooling co-op actually has brought light to my life. It has brought me hope that I can do this motherhood thing and do it well. Co-op has been a tool the Lord has used and is still using to show me who I used to be!
Turning the Corner,
Kristin
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